Coming back to life

So, I do realize how long it has been since I updated. I just got caught up in a lot of things. Does anyone know about fanfiction? Well, now I do. A lot. Anyway, it's not like there are too many people reading anyway. But that's how I like it.

Remember one of the friends I told you about the other day (in August) who thought she was in love. I thought it seemed genuine but she lives far away and I hadn't met the guy. It wasn't. I know most friends say this but he was a jerk. She was perfectly right to break it off, even though she made mistakes too. Still, I have her opinion on things. So now she seems heartbroken and just for once I wonder if maybe...just maybe love isn't the best thing one can have.

Speaking of which, I will be 16 soon! I'm planning a joint party with two of my friends and we are going to have fun. It should be pretty big, and I'm hoping there won't be drinks but I think some people will bring them in.

Anyway, I was thinking that one of the reasons I behave quite younger than I am in ways is the fact that I am treated that way by my parents. I was talking to my mother the other day and she was referring to what she calls 'going around' and how my old school has become very 'fast' as she calls it. She asked me about my friends and what they thought about it and if they were and when I told her nothing (I don't know, and Maybe) then I could feel something. I could feel her pain - she was trying to connect with me and I could not respond. Why? Because I knew that if I revealed something, it would just give her fodder to use when she was next angry at me. It's true that she doesn't mean it. But somehow, having her know is just worse. Because the problem is, I do like boys (and in my opinion it's perfectly normal to have a boyfriend at my age - it gives you valuable experience for the future and I know I would never be pressured into having sex or doing something I don't want to). She suspected a lot about X, but to be fair she hasn't really brought it up. Maybe I do give her less credit then she is due, but I just can't tell her now.

It's not like I even really have the chance to have a boyfriend. I don't have any close guy friends (this is one of the reasons I'm glad this blog is just for me) and I'm not pretty enough and don't maintain myself well enough to make boys go for me. Still, I have hopes.

I'll tell her when I'm 18 or when I go to college. That's when she'll find it acceptable. And I dream of the days when we can have comfortable conversations about boys or men and she can advise me. But till then, I'll wait. Sometimes I feel the fear though that if I wait too long nothing will ever change and I will never be able to confide things to her.

I do love her.

I'm trying out the new formatting by posting a video. I hope you comment and suggest things about my voice! This is not a music video, so please do give it a view.

Something funny

I guess I am a feminist. I believe in equal rights for females, which I believe they pretty much have in the developed world. I do, however, find this very funny. Don't ask where I got it.

"Never trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."