11. Turn to an entry in your journal or diary from a year or more ago. What has changed and what has stayed the same since then?
Around a year ago, I was having one of the best summers of my life. Just before going to college, I was enjoying one of the last free summers with friends I love and just relaxing completely and being pampered. There was also a fair amount of shopping. I'm not sure how much I've changed as a person. I know my accent has changed slightly and I feel like I've become a little more mature, a little more nagging, a little more childish (it might sound paradoxical but it's not) and some other things, but I haven't changed as much. I've probably become a little more liberal in my views and a little more feminist too, but I don't notice these things unless I realize I used to have a different opinion on something.
12. What is one thing nobody knows about you because nobody ever cared to ask?
A decent amount of things, but not things that people normally ask about. There's some things people don't know that they've asked about, I just haven't told them. Sometimes I feel like I don't tell people things and that's why they don't ask, but I kind of just realized they do ask and I don't really share but sometimes I do!
13. Robert Frost write a poem titled The Road Not Taken. Name a road you’ve always wanted to travel. Where do you hope it takes you, and what might you see on the way?
Actually telling someone about my feelings when I feel them. It might lead to awkwardness and there might be a lot of good reasons not to tell them, but it prevents lots of 'what-might-have-beens' and unfulfilled or unfinished infatuations. It could lead at worst, to closed doors but at least knowing what happened, or at best to an actual relationship, full of the usual rollercoaster of emotions that brings (although I wouldn't know about that).
14. Name one thing you always wanted to do, but haven’t. What has prevented you from doing it?
Probably the same as above. I think it's always been that our friendship would be ruined or I'd be rejected if I did tell or more importantly that other people would talk about me and I'd know they'd been doing so.
15. Write about your first kiss. Was it everything you wished or hoped it would be?
Clearly, if you've read this blog you'd know I haven't had one. I have a feeling that I'm building up my expectations and it'll just be normal and nice, but that's honestly all I think I need. As long as I have butterflies, I'll be happy. :)
16. What was the worst mistake or decision you have ever made in life? What could you have done differently?
I haven't made any decisions that are irreversible or I'd call 'the WORST', but regrets include those discussed in questions 14 and 15, as well as not working as hard as I could have for school exams and stuff (though this was usually fixable). I try not to regret things, and I succeed at doing this except with romantic things.
17. What song was stuck in your head recently, and what were you doing at the time that made you think of it?
There's actually this song called 'Fools in Love' that was playing when S told me he liked our mutual friend. Though he's over that now and more into this other girl (who was actually the girl I knew very little about who he was interested in before our mutual friend and who I actually see more of now), it just reminds me of my whole mess of a situation whenever it plays on shuffle. It's kind of amusing that whenever he complains about how absurd his life is with his past and present interests meeting, I'm just more tickled by the fact that I'm present or listening to these stories.
18. Describe 5 things you want to see or do before it’s too late.
I'm not honestly much into the whole seeing places thing, but I'm going to go with places anyway. I've talked enough about personal things that I wish I did and plan to do. But I'd say there's actually a lot of places I wouldn't mind seeing with friends/ love interests. I figured out that I have pretty expensive tastes, and I'm penny-wise and pound-foolish. Oh dear.
- Orlando (Universal Studios and Disneyland)
- Italy (probably Venice)
- Kenya (safaris, probably safe and luxurious ones - I'm not much of an outdoors person)
- India (all the diverse beautiful parts, not just the typical spots)
- One of those secluded classy gorgeous beach resorts ANYWHERE
19. Write about something you now know that you wish you knew earlier in life. How could this knowledge have helped you?
Develop and stick with hobbies and passions so you won't be a beginner at everything later on.
20. Write about your greatest fear.
I just realized that it's probably knowing that people are talking about me, and not necessarily in a complimentary way. Probably stems for the whole 'not having friends for a couple of months' when I first joined my high school. But this leads to a lot of other small things, like being pretty self-contained and worrying and not telling people things and being reluctant to appear vulnerable in front of others. Here's a genuine insight that these questions and this blog helped me with! I've never actually put these pieces together.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Random Angsty Thought
Sometimes I really wish it was possible to stop liking you, cause I feel like we'd be much better friends that way and I'd enjoy our friendship more. We might not even be that good in a relationship, because I'm a massive overanalyzer. SO I'd prefer we were just friends, at least for a while.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
6-10 questions
Let's stick to this!
6. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be, and what would you do if later on you changed your mind?
Overanalyzing (see question 5). Actually, what if I changed my mind about that? Procrastination is far more of a clear fault, as well as something I won't regret changing. I can always choose to postpone work when I can, but not just waste time when I MUST work.
7. What are your religious beliefs? Have they changed, or have they always stayed the same?
I don't really have any. I guess I believe there may be something out there, but it's partly an idea humans have created to comfort ourselves. And to comfort myself, I like to believe in something, but I'm not sure what. I don't believe in any religion though, they've been twisted too much, though I respect people who genuinely believe in them.
8. When was your last food craving, and what did you crave?
Being in college makes me hungry all the time, but I usually try and crave what I know I'm going to get. Or what I've eaten recently. So I think it was french fries, or some sort of simple carb.
9. Who was your first crush and what made them special?
This guy in 4th grade who I actually remember pretty clearly. I don't remember why I liked him, but I think he was pretty smart and I talked to him a decent amount, which was about it. There was this class play where I was Lucy and he was Mr. Tumnus! Nothing ever happened, I never even told anyone.
10. Name your most cherished childhood memory.
Too many to count. Putting together my dad's birthday video reminded me how blessed I was :) I think maybe just the general feeling of being almost completely loved and secure and having fun and unworried was good enough.
6. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be, and what would you do if later on you changed your mind?
Overanalyzing (see question 5). Actually, what if I changed my mind about that? Procrastination is far more of a clear fault, as well as something I won't regret changing. I can always choose to postpone work when I can, but not just waste time when I MUST work.
7. What are your religious beliefs? Have they changed, or have they always stayed the same?
I don't really have any. I guess I believe there may be something out there, but it's partly an idea humans have created to comfort ourselves. And to comfort myself, I like to believe in something, but I'm not sure what. I don't believe in any religion though, they've been twisted too much, though I respect people who genuinely believe in them.
8. When was your last food craving, and what did you crave?
Being in college makes me hungry all the time, but I usually try and crave what I know I'm going to get. Or what I've eaten recently. So I think it was french fries, or some sort of simple carb.
9. Who was your first crush and what made them special?
This guy in 4th grade who I actually remember pretty clearly. I don't remember why I liked him, but I think he was pretty smart and I talked to him a decent amount, which was about it. There was this class play where I was Lucy and he was Mr. Tumnus! Nothing ever happened, I never even told anyone.
10. Name your most cherished childhood memory.
Too many to count. Putting together my dad's birthday video reminded me how blessed I was :) I think maybe just the general feeling of being almost completely loved and secure and having fun and unworried was good enough.
5 a day?
Let's see how long I can keep this up. It doesn't have to be everyday, just until I get to 80 (which is the number of questions).
1. Name something you lost or gave away that can never be replaced.
A lot of small things like childhood memory objects and cards from friends, but I'm mostly a hoarder, so nothing major :)
2. What 5 websites do you visit often, and why?
In no particular order: Facebook, Gmail, MyLifeIsAverage, Youtube, and Last.fm. Basically your completely average Internet user, checking out my various accounts, listening to music, and reading entertaining stories.
3. Name a totally useless possession and how you came to acquire it.
A shirt two sizes too large for me that S didn't need and I obviously latched on to. I kind of wanted the same kind of shirt though I realistically won't wear such a large size, but when he offered because he had two I took it. I love it, and it actually smelled like him for a while (which meant I took a sniff quite often).
4. What music album would be used for a movie about your life?
A compilation, mostly of pop-ish hits with a good amount of slow indie music (like that from Grey's Anatomy). Something which varies a lot both in mood and style.
5. List your bad habits and/or addictions and what you have tried to rid yourself of them.
OVERANALYZING. PROCRASTINATING. I've tried not thinking about things at all (which usually lasts a limited time) and convincing myself to be negative, but I'd really rather think in a bigger-picture way instead of microanalyzing. Haven't really tried to cure procrastination seriously, probably should.
1. Name something you lost or gave away that can never be replaced.
A lot of small things like childhood memory objects and cards from friends, but I'm mostly a hoarder, so nothing major :)
2. What 5 websites do you visit often, and why?
In no particular order: Facebook, Gmail, MyLifeIsAverage, Youtube, and Last.fm. Basically your completely average Internet user, checking out my various accounts, listening to music, and reading entertaining stories.
3. Name a totally useless possession and how you came to acquire it.
A shirt two sizes too large for me that S didn't need and I obviously latched on to. I kind of wanted the same kind of shirt though I realistically won't wear such a large size, but when he offered because he had two I took it. I love it, and it actually smelled like him for a while (which meant I took a sniff quite often).
4. What music album would be used for a movie about your life?
A compilation, mostly of pop-ish hits with a good amount of slow indie music (like that from Grey's Anatomy). Something which varies a lot both in mood and style.
5. List your bad habits and/or addictions and what you have tried to rid yourself of them.
OVERANALYZING. PROCRASTINATING. I've tried not thinking about things at all (which usually lasts a limited time) and convincing myself to be negative, but I'd really rather think in a bigger-picture way instead of microanalyzing. Haven't really tried to cure procrastination seriously, probably should.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Random Happiness
So, I was at this cultural show yesterday which my friend was performing in. It was the usual - singing, dancing, minor Youtube celebrities - except before one of the acts (they were doing a dance to some sort of boy band's music), the performers ran through the crowd giving away roses - probably as part of their 'heartbreaker' theme - and I happened to be sitting on the aisle and one of them chose to give it to me! I know it was a gimmick, he had no agenda in choosing me and I just happened to be sitting in a convenient location, but just the fact that I was chosen made me feel pretty and happy. And that's something I wanted to record given the amount of angst/ drama/ silliness that occurs in this blog normally as a way of venting my feelings.
I know I sometimes sound painful on this blog, but this is not the case in real life! I'm a generally happy person, above the average happiness and who tends to look on the bright side of things. I probably overanalyze a little too much, but everyone has flaws, and I'm happy with mine.
I know I sometimes sound painful on this blog, but this is not the case in real life! I'm a generally happy person, above the average happiness and who tends to look on the bright side of things. I probably overanalyze a little too much, but everyone has flaws, and I'm happy with mine.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Fun fun fun fun (looking forward to the weekend)
Warning: the following post contains a detailed account of possible alcohol-fueled escapades. Nothing too dramatic - it is me we're talking about after all - but moderately embarrassing awkward moments. I never drink till I throw up, but I do become more talkative and clumsy and giggly than usual.
Firstly, I got tipsy both Friday and Saturday night. Friday night I wasn't so bad, because I drank mixed drinks slowly and having eaten before, and thus despite consuming more alcohol (the equivalent of about 5-6 standard drinks) than I did on Saturday night, I was mostly sober. I did go and hang out in S's room, where a bunch of guys usually hang out, and managed to listen to 'guy talk'.
Saturday night, on the other hand, I was drunker despite having drunk only the equivalent of 3 standard drinks. I suppose low tolerance is a good thing. Basically I was stumbling a decent amount, giggling a lot, feeling a little dizzy, and realizing I was saying a little more than I intended to but not much more. My friend made me some food, and I was in our common room where S was also present. I leaned on him a decent amount through the night, although I did warn him that it was because I was dizzy and that he could go whenever he needed to. Nevertheless, he stayed for a decent amount of time, which made me happy despite having little significance apart from being a good friend.
Sunday, I had decided to not Facebook chat G until he initiated the conversations, which he actually did - asking me to dinner. Sure, he lives on the other side of campus and was on my side and it was just in the dining hall, but I couldn't help having a little bit of hope. Dinner was actually pretty relaxed, and he got me to talk about myself, which I don't normally do as much. Even more luckily, most of our floor (who normally eats together on weekends) was actually away for various reasons so I didn't have them there in the dining hall watching me.
Since then, it's been mostly the same with both of them. I start slightly more conversations with G than he does, but we have nice chats. The other day, he randomly tried to convince me he was drunk while I was chatting with him (despite not being) and I was extremely confused because my friend who also knows him (but not that I'm interested) was telling me he was not drunk and I trust her, but he was doing his best to convince me and I believed him. And when I asked him about it the next day, he was just like "Gotta go". I got tipsy last night too and used S as support, leading this one guy on our floor to make crude innuendos, but neither of us paid much attention. And I forced S to go to bed because he had to wake up early in the morning, insisting I would be fine, which I'm happy about because I don't want to be over-dependent on him either.
You might be wondering how my feelings for the two of them relate. The short answer is that I have no idea. I know that I'm interested in both of them, probably more in S than G, but I'm just seeing how things go and trying to focus more on G. I had this strange reluctance about telling S about G, despite him normally sharing all his stories with me. I think there was some part of me that didn't want him to know I was interested in other guys, but there's no point to that anyway since I know clearly that he's interested in other girls. Anyway, he kind of knows now, but also that it's not really a big deal. And that's how it'll stay hopefully?
Firstly, I got tipsy both Friday and Saturday night. Friday night I wasn't so bad, because I drank mixed drinks slowly and having eaten before, and thus despite consuming more alcohol (the equivalent of about 5-6 standard drinks) than I did on Saturday night, I was mostly sober. I did go and hang out in S's room, where a bunch of guys usually hang out, and managed to listen to 'guy talk'.
Saturday night, on the other hand, I was drunker despite having drunk only the equivalent of 3 standard drinks. I suppose low tolerance is a good thing. Basically I was stumbling a decent amount, giggling a lot, feeling a little dizzy, and realizing I was saying a little more than I intended to but not much more. My friend made me some food, and I was in our common room where S was also present. I leaned on him a decent amount through the night, although I did warn him that it was because I was dizzy and that he could go whenever he needed to. Nevertheless, he stayed for a decent amount of time, which made me happy despite having little significance apart from being a good friend.
Sunday, I had decided to not Facebook chat G until he initiated the conversations, which he actually did - asking me to dinner. Sure, he lives on the other side of campus and was on my side and it was just in the dining hall, but I couldn't help having a little bit of hope. Dinner was actually pretty relaxed, and he got me to talk about myself, which I don't normally do as much. Even more luckily, most of our floor (who normally eats together on weekends) was actually away for various reasons so I didn't have them there in the dining hall watching me.
Since then, it's been mostly the same with both of them. I start slightly more conversations with G than he does, but we have nice chats. The other day, he randomly tried to convince me he was drunk while I was chatting with him (despite not being) and I was extremely confused because my friend who also knows him (but not that I'm interested) was telling me he was not drunk and I trust her, but he was doing his best to convince me and I believed him. And when I asked him about it the next day, he was just like "Gotta go". I got tipsy last night too and used S as support, leading this one guy on our floor to make crude innuendos, but neither of us paid much attention. And I forced S to go to bed because he had to wake up early in the morning, insisting I would be fine, which I'm happy about because I don't want to be over-dependent on him either.
You might be wondering how my feelings for the two of them relate. The short answer is that I have no idea. I know that I'm interested in both of them, probably more in S than G, but I'm just seeing how things go and trying to focus more on G. I had this strange reluctance about telling S about G, despite him normally sharing all his stories with me. I think there was some part of me that didn't want him to know I was interested in other guys, but there's no point to that anyway since I know clearly that he's interested in other girls. Anyway, he kind of knows now, but also that it's not really a big deal. And that's how it'll stay hopefully?
Monday, April 11, 2011
Drama Llama
It's funny how the titles of most of my posts are basically the oddest things ever. Usually it's because I have something rather urgent to say and can't think of a title strong enough to express it or don't want to waste time doing so, so I just go with whatever is on my mind or quote the song I'm singing, and make it rhyme/ sound slightly witty. I have got distracted again, so let me go back to what I planned to talk about.
So, I'm not sure where to start. I've been in a pretty blah mood the last few days, partly exacerbated by the fact that I want S to notice and be concerned about me. Please feel free to comment (non-existent readers) about my twisted motives and unstable mental health. It's been brought on by a lot of things though - guy issues (more on that later), not getting the internship I wanted over the summer, wanting to stay in college over the summer but not being able to, growing apart from a friend back home who is making no effort to keep in touch, feeling like I haven't done the best work I could be doing in class etc. Even not being able to move past this bad mood is bumming me out as I've always prided myself on being a positive person but every time I try to move past it I want S to notice and discuss it with me so I'm kind of stagnant. Nevertheless, I've given myself two more days when I can be sad, and then I stop being sad and start being awesome instead.
But of course with me it's mostly the guy issues that get to me because I have no sense of appropriate priorities. Remember my 'friend' S? And how I said that the fact that the girl he was not too seriously interested in made it easy for me to kind of hope? Well, we bonded a good amount in the last few months and he ended up somewhat accidentally revealing to me that he was having moderately serious feelings for one of our mutual friends who is one of my closest friends. I of course made sure to be neutral about my feelings, and gave him good advice, and continued to encourage him to talk about and deal with his feelings. I probably reacted perfectly, albeit a little less enthusiastically about them possibly getting together than I would have been if it hadn't been for my feelings. I did a good job, but it's getting to me a little more now than it did at first, and my bad mood is partially influenced by that and the fact that I feel like he comes to me with his problems but doesn't ask so much about mine. Which might be why I feel the need to be moody and get him to notice.
And I actually have another guy in my life who I think I might also kind of like. I don't know whether I'm mixing up my feelings for S with him because they resemble each other in terms of personality, but I think I at least like him a little just for himself. That makes me overanalyze the situation and become more awkward with him than I should be. He is also in the same year of uni as I am, and I met him at a conference. He goes to my school and I had mutual friends with him, and we bonded during the conference. Facebook chatting afterward (mostly initiated by me) helped us know each other a little better. Then in a fit of angst like those I sometimes have, I told him casually that I didn't want to feel like I was disturbing his work and that he should tell me next time he was free so that we could talk. I'm actually pretty proud of that move, I put the ball in his court. What happened after that, you shall read about in my next post.
A positive point is that I'm definitely over X. I know this might cause a sense of deja vu, because I've definitely said this before. But this time is different, because I've actually talked and interacted with him after thinking I was over him, and haven't felt the same frantic over analyzing that I have before. It might be because the thing with S (and maybe G) is more serious than the mild flirtations I had in the four years of X, but I'm just happy I'm able to move on to more things that make me neurotic. :\
A lot of this is me just getting my teenage angst out of the way before I get out of my teens. Or maybe it's just hormones. Either way, I think I'll be over it soon.
So, I'm not sure where to start. I've been in a pretty blah mood the last few days, partly exacerbated by the fact that I want S to notice and be concerned about me. Please feel free to comment (non-existent readers) about my twisted motives and unstable mental health. It's been brought on by a lot of things though - guy issues (more on that later), not getting the internship I wanted over the summer, wanting to stay in college over the summer but not being able to, growing apart from a friend back home who is making no effort to keep in touch, feeling like I haven't done the best work I could be doing in class etc. Even not being able to move past this bad mood is bumming me out as I've always prided myself on being a positive person but every time I try to move past it I want S to notice and discuss it with me so I'm kind of stagnant. Nevertheless, I've given myself two more days when I can be sad, and then I stop being sad and start being awesome instead.
But of course with me it's mostly the guy issues that get to me because I have no sense of appropriate priorities. Remember my 'friend' S? And how I said that the fact that the girl he was not too seriously interested in made it easy for me to kind of hope? Well, we bonded a good amount in the last few months and he ended up somewhat accidentally revealing to me that he was having moderately serious feelings for one of our mutual friends who is one of my closest friends. I of course made sure to be neutral about my feelings, and gave him good advice, and continued to encourage him to talk about and deal with his feelings. I probably reacted perfectly, albeit a little less enthusiastically about them possibly getting together than I would have been if it hadn't been for my feelings. I did a good job, but it's getting to me a little more now than it did at first, and my bad mood is partially influenced by that and the fact that I feel like he comes to me with his problems but doesn't ask so much about mine. Which might be why I feel the need to be moody and get him to notice.
And I actually have another guy in my life who I think I might also kind of like. I don't know whether I'm mixing up my feelings for S with him because they resemble each other in terms of personality, but I think I at least like him a little just for himself. That makes me overanalyze the situation and become more awkward with him than I should be. He is also in the same year of uni as I am, and I met him at a conference. He goes to my school and I had mutual friends with him, and we bonded during the conference. Facebook chatting afterward (mostly initiated by me) helped us know each other a little better. Then in a fit of angst like those I sometimes have, I told him casually that I didn't want to feel like I was disturbing his work and that he should tell me next time he was free so that we could talk. I'm actually pretty proud of that move, I put the ball in his court. What happened after that, you shall read about in my next post.
A positive point is that I'm definitely over X. I know this might cause a sense of deja vu, because I've definitely said this before. But this time is different, because I've actually talked and interacted with him after thinking I was over him, and haven't felt the same frantic over analyzing that I have before. It might be because the thing with S (and maybe G) is more serious than the mild flirtations I had in the four years of X, but I'm just happy I'm able to move on to more things that make me neurotic. :\
A lot of this is me just getting my teenage angst out of the way before I get out of my teens. Or maybe it's just hormones. Either way, I think I'll be over it soon.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Men are babies
For once, here's a post about guys that isn't even about me. It's somewhat related to me, but it's more of a story that needs to be shared to warn all the females of the world. I enjoy my fair share of guy-bashing at times, despite feeling a little more guilty about it now that I have guy friends.
However, this is a story about my friends. This one friend of mine came to college with a serious boyfriend who she had acquired over the summer (but they had been friends before that). They texted constantly, and I had grown used to seeing her Skyping him when I was in her room. As Valentine's Day approached, he asked her to give him my number (hold on, this story isn't going where you think it is). She duly did, and I assumed that he was going to arrange some sort of Valentine's Day surprise and required my aid in putting it together.
He texted me Sunday night - Monday was Valentine's Day - about how he planned to break up with her and wanted me to be there for her because he still respected her as a friend.
I know.
I replied, after consultation with two close friends who were also close to the girl, advising him to reconsider or at least wait as she had midterms during the week and Valentine's day was approaching. He at least listened to the advice to wait, and then I angsted in the week about whether it was my responsibility to tell her before him or whether that was a breach of trust and what she would think if she knew I knew and hadn't told her. I finally decided to tell her on the Wednesday, after her exams had at least finished. On the day, I texted him asking whether she would be expecting it, and received a reply indicating that he had changed his mind and wasn't going to break up.
After that, I thought it fit to keep my mouth shut about the matter. I assumed that the relationship wouldn't last anyway but warned him to at least leave me out of his indecisiveness. Sunday night, she told me he had just broken up with her.
Again, I'm not going to offer any judgment on either side of the sequence of events that occurred. All that I will share is that I dislike the boy now even though I don't know him. And you can suffice it to assume that I've been exhaustively over each point of view and every decision that was made during this period.
However, this is a story about my friends. This one friend of mine came to college with a serious boyfriend who she had acquired over the summer (but they had been friends before that). They texted constantly, and I had grown used to seeing her Skyping him when I was in her room. As Valentine's Day approached, he asked her to give him my number (hold on, this story isn't going where you think it is). She duly did, and I assumed that he was going to arrange some sort of Valentine's Day surprise and required my aid in putting it together.
He texted me Sunday night - Monday was Valentine's Day - about how he planned to break up with her and wanted me to be there for her because he still respected her as a friend.
I know.
I replied, after consultation with two close friends who were also close to the girl, advising him to reconsider or at least wait as she had midterms during the week and Valentine's day was approaching. He at least listened to the advice to wait, and then I angsted in the week about whether it was my responsibility to tell her before him or whether that was a breach of trust and what she would think if she knew I knew and hadn't told her. I finally decided to tell her on the Wednesday, after her exams had at least finished. On the day, I texted him asking whether she would be expecting it, and received a reply indicating that he had changed his mind and wasn't going to break up.
After that, I thought it fit to keep my mouth shut about the matter. I assumed that the relationship wouldn't last anyway but warned him to at least leave me out of his indecisiveness. Sunday night, she told me he had just broken up with her.
Again, I'm not going to offer any judgment on either side of the sequence of events that occurred. All that I will share is that I dislike the boy now even though I don't know him. And you can suffice it to assume that I've been exhaustively over each point of view and every decision that was made during this period.
Confusion
Look for the bare necessities, forget about your worries and your strife.
As usual, I find myself being inspired by Disney. Whenever I feel like I'm getting overwhelmed, or that I'm overthinking or underappreciating, I go back to my Glee/ Disney playlist and am immediately cheered. Or reminded of what's more important to really be thinking about. And that's just to remember to work hard and stay happy!
Cliched, I know. But sometimes when you hear the right song at the right time, it can mean a lot. Why else do I have a playlist of Grey's Anatomy songs that are indie and mostly sad and that can cheer me up when I'm really down? And it works!
Anyway, I've already rambled on for the start of this post, but sometimes it's nice to ramble and not have to go back and correct it to make a coherent essay. I started this post in order to perhaps gain some coherency on feelings of another sort, as well provide an update on college life.
So, college/ university is going well. I'm really growing close to the people on my floor and growing to love them. It means I'll miss them more when I have to leave the floor next year (it's a freshman dorm) but I'm trying to get rid of negative thinking. I even have a couple more guy friends now, and I'm becoming more comfortable with them. I'm not being too optimistic yet, but I'd love to have them as friends. I'm not interested in most of them, and I know they're interested in others, so we might be beginning a beautiful friendship. :)
For those of you non-existent readers who noticed that I said most in the paragraph above, stop being such smartasses. It's true. How could this be my blog without there being some faintly stalker-ish angst/ drama about guys?
Out of my friends, there's this one guy (S) who I wasn't interested in at first at all - this was actually the one who asked if I wanted to dance with him 'as friends' last quarter and the memory still makes me cringe so much - but then as I got to know him better, I began to have feelings of a sort. After analysis with friends, I've figured out that when I'm alone with him I think of him as I do the rest of my friends, but when I'm with him and all my friends, I think of him as somewhat more special. and I miss him a little more than I do most of my friends when he's not there.
That was a Dickensian length sentence, so hopefully those of you who manage to make sense of it will think that it makes the most sense to wait and see where these feelings go. I probably won't act on them anyway, as my experience with X showed. Here's the twist though, he's interested in another girl. Now I don't feel too badly about this, as she's not someone I know and I never see them interact. And in his own words, he just is kind of interested, and will see where it goes. Isn't it ironic that he's following what I'm doing, but with a different person?
To describe him, he's one of those people who's always surrounded by other people who love him. He's arguably not as good-looking as X, but I definitely know him better. He's smart and funny and nice, and I'll stop my rant now. The facts are there, even the answer is already pretty clear. I guess I can hope anyway. For what I'm hoping, I'm not sure.
As usual, I find myself being inspired by Disney. Whenever I feel like I'm getting overwhelmed, or that I'm overthinking or underappreciating, I go back to my Glee/ Disney playlist and am immediately cheered. Or reminded of what's more important to really be thinking about. And that's just to remember to work hard and stay happy!
Cliched, I know. But sometimes when you hear the right song at the right time, it can mean a lot. Why else do I have a playlist of Grey's Anatomy songs that are indie and mostly sad and that can cheer me up when I'm really down? And it works!
Anyway, I've already rambled on for the start of this post, but sometimes it's nice to ramble and not have to go back and correct it to make a coherent essay. I started this post in order to perhaps gain some coherency on feelings of another sort, as well provide an update on college life.
So, college/ university is going well. I'm really growing close to the people on my floor and growing to love them. It means I'll miss them more when I have to leave the floor next year (it's a freshman dorm) but I'm trying to get rid of negative thinking. I even have a couple more guy friends now, and I'm becoming more comfortable with them. I'm not being too optimistic yet, but I'd love to have them as friends. I'm not interested in most of them, and I know they're interested in others, so we might be beginning a beautiful friendship. :)
For those of you non-existent readers who noticed that I said most in the paragraph above, stop being such smartasses. It's true. How could this be my blog without there being some faintly stalker-ish angst/ drama about guys?
Out of my friends, there's this one guy (S) who I wasn't interested in at first at all - this was actually the one who asked if I wanted to dance with him 'as friends' last quarter and the memory still makes me cringe so much - but then as I got to know him better, I began to have feelings of a sort. After analysis with friends, I've figured out that when I'm alone with him I think of him as I do the rest of my friends, but when I'm with him and all my friends, I think of him as somewhat more special. and I miss him a little more than I do most of my friends when he's not there.
That was a Dickensian length sentence, so hopefully those of you who manage to make sense of it will think that it makes the most sense to wait and see where these feelings go. I probably won't act on them anyway, as my experience with X showed. Here's the twist though, he's interested in another girl. Now I don't feel too badly about this, as she's not someone I know and I never see them interact. And in his own words, he just is kind of interested, and will see where it goes. Isn't it ironic that he's following what I'm doing, but with a different person?
To describe him, he's one of those people who's always surrounded by other people who love him. He's arguably not as good-looking as X, but I definitely know him better. He's smart and funny and nice, and I'll stop my rant now. The facts are there, even the answer is already pretty clear. I guess I can hope anyway. For what I'm hoping, I'm not sure.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
College Life
In the last week, I've been realizing how much I'm loving college right now. Although I definitely didn't hate my first term, and felt like I made a couple of close friends, in the last few weeks I think that I finally realize what people are talking about when they speak of the unforgettable times in college.
February is shaping up to be a good month. Not only have I had a good time so far (which I will elaborate on later), there are many things to look forward to. Sure I have a midterm and two essays, but there's also a care package full of cupcakes, going to see the musical Les Miserables, going to the city for cupcakes and petting puppies, cultural talent show this weekend, being treated to dinner in the city by the dorm, and many other fun things. You'll notice that most of these revolve around food. That's not a coincidence, ever since coming to college I have a much greater appreciation for home cuisine and good food in general. This has the fun effect of making me more experimentative, though not too much so!
An unexpected snow day led to a sleepover in my friend's room - a coed one, which was my first. It didn't feel that different from an all-girl sleepover actually. We saw a movie and ate a lot inside an awesome fort that we built. So much for Toy Story 3-style growing up in college. That movie deserves an Oscar for the Best Picture by the way.
The snow day was caused by a blizzard of epic proportions, so obviously we went out and played in the snow for an hour and a half. This included snowball fights that I semi-participated in and the snow being blown into one's face with such speed that it resembled needles poking you. Fun times.
I mean, I guess nothing THAT amazing has happened. It's just a lot of small fun times that add up - staying up late talking to friends, Photobooth, movies, building forts, just sitting together. I feel like living in a dorm is an entirely special experience. And I get to enjoy it!
February is shaping up to be a good month. Not only have I had a good time so far (which I will elaborate on later), there are many things to look forward to. Sure I have a midterm and two essays, but there's also a care package full of cupcakes, going to see the musical Les Miserables, going to the city for cupcakes and petting puppies, cultural talent show this weekend, being treated to dinner in the city by the dorm, and many other fun things. You'll notice that most of these revolve around food. That's not a coincidence, ever since coming to college I have a much greater appreciation for home cuisine and good food in general. This has the fun effect of making me more experimentative, though not too much so!
An unexpected snow day led to a sleepover in my friend's room - a coed one, which was my first. It didn't feel that different from an all-girl sleepover actually. We saw a movie and ate a lot inside an awesome fort that we built. So much for Toy Story 3-style growing up in college. That movie deserves an Oscar for the Best Picture by the way.
The snow day was caused by a blizzard of epic proportions, so obviously we went out and played in the snow for an hour and a half. This included snowball fights that I semi-participated in and the snow being blown into one's face with such speed that it resembled needles poking you. Fun times.
I mean, I guess nothing THAT amazing has happened. It's just a lot of small fun times that add up - staying up late talking to friends, Photobooth, movies, building forts, just sitting together. I feel like living in a dorm is an entirely special experience. And I get to enjoy it!
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