Excuse the ridiculous title, I wanted something original expressing small, irritating things. Such as the numerous fights I have been having with my mother recently. It's just small things which start up. I can't even honestly tell who causes them any more, or whose fault they are. They're small fights, and they become things where we don't talk to each other except to make bitchy comments or be rude.
The thing is, I'm not sure if it's because I'm saying this, but I really think most of them are her fault. She is extremely bitchy and rude when angry, refuses to be criticized at all (not even about food she cooks), and is loud and authoritarian.
Maybe she's menopausal.
(It should be noted I'm still fighting with her at the moment, in a bad mood, and listening to my brother, father and mother fight at the moment)
Friday, May 29, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Teenage Girl Time
So, I'm sorry to say this because I sound absolutely pathetic and stupid, for someone who got 2300 on the SATs (I must tell everyone!) but the following must come out.
I spoke to D today!!!!! For about 2 seconds. We were at a school event - graduation - and working at the drinks table with about 15 other people and I gave him a drink to put on his tray and he said "Can you give me one that's more filled?" or something of the sort, and I said "Sorry," and gave him another glass. He said "Thanks," and I pretended to be cool but I was SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEing inside. I sound totally sad and stalker-like but honestly his looks somehow have the weirdest effect on me. It's like X, but at least D is much better looking! He could ACTUALLY be a movie star.
Speaking of which, X is visiting soon. His family will be staying with us and I'm praying that I will not feel anything for him. D actually helps in that way. I know that nothing will ever happen with D but he's like a placebo. UGH I sound so terribly sad.
But I'm not that sad. Today evening I went for a party where there were moderately good looking guys but the party was awfully awkward and we didn't talk (not that we normally would have). After that I went with my friends to a restaurant (really more of a bar) and some guys who I didn't really know joined us. We ordered a few drinks (everyone was really nice about the fact that I don't drink and just accepted it) and I was a bit upset cause I wanted to spend some time with my friends, but after that more guys joined me and my 3 other girlfriends (not in a lesbian way) and it grew slightly better. I was surprised to find the guys actually knew my name (of course I knew theirs, I'm observant about people in general) and we had a decent time. I'm not used to hanging out with guys in a casual way and it was good! Guys do make good friends. The thing is, though, I'm not really interested in any of those guys, and although they're what might be considered semi-"popular" I don't think of them in that way. So no actual romantic opportunities there.
It's sad how sometimes (despite the fact that I think I'm a strong, fulfilled girl) I feel like I need a boyfriend. Someone to cuddle with and who would understand me perfectly. I cannot wait for college (but just for that, I don't want to leave my friends) sometimes.
I spoke to D today!!!!! For about 2 seconds. We were at a school event - graduation - and working at the drinks table with about 15 other people and I gave him a drink to put on his tray and he said "Can you give me one that's more filled?" or something of the sort, and I said "Sorry," and gave him another glass. He said "Thanks," and I pretended to be cool but I was SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEing inside. I sound totally sad and stalker-like but honestly his looks somehow have the weirdest effect on me. It's like X, but at least D is much better looking! He could ACTUALLY be a movie star.
Speaking of which, X is visiting soon. His family will be staying with us and I'm praying that I will not feel anything for him. D actually helps in that way. I know that nothing will ever happen with D but he's like a placebo. UGH I sound so terribly sad.
But I'm not that sad. Today evening I went for a party where there were moderately good looking guys but the party was awfully awkward and we didn't talk (not that we normally would have). After that I went with my friends to a restaurant (really more of a bar) and some guys who I didn't really know joined us. We ordered a few drinks (everyone was really nice about the fact that I don't drink and just accepted it) and I was a bit upset cause I wanted to spend some time with my friends, but after that more guys joined me and my 3 other girlfriends (not in a lesbian way) and it grew slightly better. I was surprised to find the guys actually knew my name (of course I knew theirs, I'm observant about people in general) and we had a decent time. I'm not used to hanging out with guys in a casual way and it was good! Guys do make good friends. The thing is, though, I'm not really interested in any of those guys, and although they're what might be considered semi-"popular" I don't think of them in that way. So no actual romantic opportunities there.
It's sad how sometimes (despite the fact that I think I'm a strong, fulfilled girl) I feel like I need a boyfriend. Someone to cuddle with and who would understand me perfectly. I cannot wait for college (but just for that, I don't want to leave my friends) sometimes.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Rant time
For other reference, I have a Fanfiction account (xyzisme), a DeviantArt account of the same name, but I'm not going to link to this there, because people there actually read my profile/ stories. Oh well, this is kind of like my online diary.
I only have the Fanfiction and Deviantart accounts because I was bored on the internet and Kim Possible stories on Fanfiction, so I was led to Zutara, which slowly led me to need to have an account on dA to be able to read, follow and comment on more Zutara. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, that's okay. It's probably better that way. I also love SasuSaku and NaruHina from Naruto. (This is more for me than for you imaginary readers).
Anyway, what I originally was going to write about but completely got sidetracked from was about my new amour. Well, not so much, you know me. Let's call him D, for dream. He's one of a number of new kids who joined school is August. He's a boarder. He's part German, Japanese and American (USA, of course), and is absolutely gorgeous. Any girl would love to have him, but somehow I find him especially attractive. Maybe because he resembles what I think Zuko or Sasuke would look like in real life. Maybe because he's just good looking. But somehow, after the first time I noticed him, I was immediately in like. Of course, I have never spoken to him, he is in none of my classes, and since this is real life, if he found out I harbored feelings for him, he would think I was some random stalker. If he even knew who I was.
He has a girlfriend. Guys like him always do. He's not popular, but he likes partying, loves his music (can't be seen without a pair of headphones on his neck or ears), and has a good many friends. His girlfriend is a girl I used to like and somewhat know. She is extremely popular, intelligent, and although she's not in any of my classes either, I used to like her. Obviously not like like her, but I thought she was one of the 'populars' who was actually nice.
Sadly enough, I am not a big enough person to be happy for her or ignore the fact that they're in a relationship. They're one of our grade's most demonstrative couples (not for PDAs, but for the sheer amount of time they spend together, and for the fact that they cannot be seen out of each others company). My feelings for her have turned into a slight contempt and dislike, which I know is wrong but is made easier by the fact that I don't have to see her in person any more (in classes or otherwise). I reproach myself for them, I know they're wrong, but I can't help feeling them. Still, I feel glad for the fact that she doesn't know about them. No matter how much I believe the fact that she is drifting away from her friends or that her grades are suffering because she can't drag herself away from D, it's not true. I don't know whether I'm glad about that or not.
Obviously, I hope for some miracle. Some movie scenario where we will find we are perfect for each other. But life (even though it is not as hard for me as it is for some) teaches me every day that this does not happen. I realized yesterday that his girlfriend is probably his Katara. If it was a high school movie of the kind I indulge in, she would be the popular, intelligent girl who finds the shy boy. Of course, I am pretty much stuffing them into cliches. They're not exactly like that. But they're very happy together and I would never dream of trying to break them up. I'm not capable of such a thing (I don't mean morally, I'm not sure about that, but I mean logistically. I wouldn't have the first idea of how to go about such a thing).
I find this whole thing strange and confusing too. It's not like me to fall for a guy who I don't know at all, and who literally doesn't know I exist. He probably doesn't even recognize my face. Don't get me wrong, this isn't because I don't go for crushes which are hopeless, in fact that seems to be the only kind I'm good at. It's just because I'm normally more sensible. I thought I didn't like guys who had girlfriends. At least he's not the typical totally popular kind who ALL the girls want. That's a slight step up.
When did I become such a sad person?
I only have the Fanfiction and Deviantart accounts because I was bored on the internet and Kim Possible stories on Fanfiction, so I was led to Zutara, which slowly led me to need to have an account on dA to be able to read, follow and comment on more Zutara. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, that's okay. It's probably better that way. I also love SasuSaku and NaruHina from Naruto. (This is more for me than for you imaginary readers).
Anyway, what I originally was going to write about but completely got sidetracked from was about my new amour. Well, not so much, you know me. Let's call him D, for dream. He's one of a number of new kids who joined school is August. He's a boarder. He's part German, Japanese and American (USA, of course), and is absolutely gorgeous. Any girl would love to have him, but somehow I find him especially attractive. Maybe because he resembles what I think Zuko or Sasuke would look like in real life. Maybe because he's just good looking. But somehow, after the first time I noticed him, I was immediately in like. Of course, I have never spoken to him, he is in none of my classes, and since this is real life, if he found out I harbored feelings for him, he would think I was some random stalker. If he even knew who I was.
He has a girlfriend. Guys like him always do. He's not popular, but he likes partying, loves his music (can't be seen without a pair of headphones on his neck or ears), and has a good many friends. His girlfriend is a girl I used to like and somewhat know. She is extremely popular, intelligent, and although she's not in any of my classes either, I used to like her. Obviously not like like her, but I thought she was one of the 'populars' who was actually nice.
Sadly enough, I am not a big enough person to be happy for her or ignore the fact that they're in a relationship. They're one of our grade's most demonstrative couples (not for PDAs, but for the sheer amount of time they spend together, and for the fact that they cannot be seen out of each others company). My feelings for her have turned into a slight contempt and dislike, which I know is wrong but is made easier by the fact that I don't have to see her in person any more (in classes or otherwise). I reproach myself for them, I know they're wrong, but I can't help feeling them. Still, I feel glad for the fact that she doesn't know about them. No matter how much I believe the fact that she is drifting away from her friends or that her grades are suffering because she can't drag herself away from D, it's not true. I don't know whether I'm glad about that or not.
Obviously, I hope for some miracle. Some movie scenario where we will find we are perfect for each other. But life (even though it is not as hard for me as it is for some) teaches me every day that this does not happen. I realized yesterday that his girlfriend is probably his Katara. If it was a high school movie of the kind I indulge in, she would be the popular, intelligent girl who finds the shy boy. Of course, I am pretty much stuffing them into cliches. They're not exactly like that. But they're very happy together and I would never dream of trying to break them up. I'm not capable of such a thing (I don't mean morally, I'm not sure about that, but I mean logistically. I wouldn't have the first idea of how to go about such a thing).
I find this whole thing strange and confusing too. It's not like me to fall for a guy who I don't know at all, and who literally doesn't know I exist. He probably doesn't even recognize my face. Don't get me wrong, this isn't because I don't go for crushes which are hopeless, in fact that seems to be the only kind I'm good at. It's just because I'm normally more sensible. I thought I didn't like guys who had girlfriends. At least he's not the typical totally popular kind who ALL the girls want. That's a slight step up.
When did I become such a sad person?
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