Confusion

Look for the bare necessities, forget about your worries and your strife.

As usual, I find myself being inspired by Disney. Whenever I feel like I'm getting overwhelmed, or that I'm overthinking or underappreciating, I go back to my Glee/ Disney playlist and am immediately cheered. Or reminded of what's more important to really be thinking about. And that's just to remember to work hard and stay happy!

Cliched, I know. But sometimes when you hear the right song at the right time, it can mean a lot. Why else do I have a playlist of Grey's Anatomy songs that are indie and mostly sad and that can cheer me up when I'm really down? And it works!

Anyway, I've already rambled on for the start of this post, but sometimes it's nice to ramble and not have to go back and correct it to make a coherent essay. I started this post in order to perhaps gain some coherency on feelings of another sort, as well provide an update on college life.

So, college/ university is going well. I'm really growing close to the people on my floor and growing to love them. It means I'll miss them more when I have to leave the floor next year (it's a freshman dorm) but I'm trying to get rid of negative thinking. I even have a couple more guy friends now, and I'm becoming more comfortable with them. I'm not being too optimistic yet, but I'd love to have them as friends. I'm not interested in most of them, and I know they're interested in others, so we might be beginning a beautiful friendship. :)

For those of you non-existent readers who noticed that I said most in the paragraph above, stop being such smartasses. It's true. How could this be my blog without there being some faintly stalker-ish angst/ drama about guys?

Out of my friends, there's this one guy (S) who I wasn't interested in at first at all - this was actually the one who asked if I wanted to dance with him 'as friends' last quarter and the memory still makes me cringe so much - but then as I got to know him better, I began to have feelings of a sort. After analysis with friends, I've figured out that when I'm alone with him I think of him as I do the rest of my friends, but when I'm with him and all my friends, I think of him as somewhat more special. and I miss him a little more than I do most of my friends when he's not there.

That was a Dickensian length sentence, so hopefully those of you who manage to make sense of it will think that it makes the most sense to wait and see where these feelings go. I probably won't act on them anyway, as my experience with X showed. Here's the twist though, he's interested in another girl. Now I don't feel too badly about this, as she's not someone I know and I never see them interact. And in his own words, he just is kind of interested, and will see where it goes. Isn't it ironic that he's following what I'm doing, but with a different person?

To describe him, he's one of those people who's always surrounded by other people who love him. He's arguably not as good-looking as X, but I definitely know him better. He's smart and funny and nice, and I'll stop my rant now. The facts are there, even the answer is already pretty clear. I guess I can hope anyway. For what I'm hoping, I'm not sure.