I try

I don't want this to turn into a moany, whiny blog so after this, I'll try to keep my posts about X down to the minimum number - although in my current 'really missing him' state of mind I'm not sure I can manage that...I think that I just need to meet my friends and tell them all about him so that I can get it out. My mother suspects me of liking him and being 'manipulative' to get time alone with him but that's not true. We were meant to watch the movie with our siblings and I hoped to hold his hand but planned on holding his sister's. And then our siblings decided to go write a song (some creative urge) which wasn't particularly good, promising to join us later. They didn't and that's how it happened that we held hands and that my heart hurts (but isn't broken) right now. It's the lost potential. I really don't know any guys except my brother at all.

But for now,

Dear X,

Do you suspect that I have pathetically fallen for you and thus are trying to keep our communication to the bare minimum? We used to email earlier until I made the stupid mistake of telling you I liked you. Since then you've avoided email contact with me, if possible. How do I tell you I've changed? I want you to reply although I know you won't and it's probably better that way.

I sent you a friendly mail and said 'hi' when you came online, but got no reply or an 'I can't talk now'. So life just keeps going on and I keep waiting for that mail. But I know I won't get a reply.
I heard you might visit in June/ July. I bet our mothers will not manage to fix the dates but I can still hope, can't I?

Me