Rant time

For other reference, I have a Fanfiction account (xyzisme), a DeviantArt account of the same name, but I'm not going to link to this there, because people there actually read my profile/ stories. Oh well, this is kind of like my online diary.
 
I only have the Fanfiction and Deviantart accounts because I was bored on the internet and Kim Possible stories on Fanfiction, so I was led to Zutara, which slowly led me to need to have an account on dA to be able to read, follow and comment on more Zutara. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, that's okay. It's probably better that way. I also love SasuSaku and NaruHina from Naruto. (This is more for me than for you imaginary readers).
 
Anyway, what I originally was going to write about but completely got sidetracked from was about my new amour. Well, not so much, you know me. Let's call him D, for dream. He's one of a number of new kids who joined school is August. He's a boarder. He's part German, Japanese and American (USA, of course), and is absolutely gorgeous. Any girl would love to have him, but somehow I find him especially attractive. Maybe because he resembles what I think Zuko or Sasuke would look like in real life. Maybe because he's just good looking. But somehow, after the first time I noticed him, I was immediately in like. Of course, I have never spoken to him, he is in none of my classes, and since this is real life, if he found out I harbored feelings for him, he would think I was some random stalker. If he even knew who I was.

He has a girlfriend. Guys like him always do. He's not popular, but he likes partying, loves his music (can't be seen without a pair of headphones on his neck or ears), and has a good many friends. His girlfriend is a girl I used to like and somewhat know. She is extremely popular, intelligent, and although she's not in any of my classes either, I used to like her. Obviously not like like her, but I thought she was one of the 'populars' who was actually nice.

Sadly enough, I am not a big enough person to be happy for her or ignore the fact that they're in a relationship. They're one of our grade's most demonstrative couples (not for PDAs, but for the sheer amount of time they spend together, and for the fact that they cannot be seen out of each others company). My feelings for her have turned into a slight contempt and dislike, which I know is wrong but is made easier by the fact that I don't have to see her in person any more (in classes or otherwise). I reproach myself for them, I know they're wrong, but I can't help feeling them. Still, I feel glad for the fact that she doesn't know about them. No matter how much I believe the fact that she is drifting away from her friends or that her grades are suffering because she can't drag herself away from D, it's not true. I don't know whether I'm glad about that or not.

Obviously, I hope for some miracle. Some movie scenario where we will find we are perfect for each other. But life (even though it is not as hard for me as it is for some) teaches me every day that this does not happen. I realized yesterday that his girlfriend is probably his Katara. If it was a high school movie of the kind I indulge in, she would be the popular, intelligent girl who finds the shy boy. Of course, I am pretty much stuffing them into cliches. They're not exactly like that. But they're very happy together and I would never dream of trying to break them up. I'm not capable of such a thing (I don't mean morally, I'm not sure about that, but I mean logistically. I wouldn't have the first idea of how to go about such a thing).

I find this whole thing strange and confusing too. It's not like me to fall for a guy who I don't know at all, and who literally doesn't know I exist. He probably doesn't even recognize my face. Don't get me wrong, this isn't because I don't go for crushes which are hopeless, in fact that seems to be the only kind I'm good at. It's just because I'm normally more sensible. I thought I didn't like guys who had girlfriends. At least he's not the typical totally popular kind who ALL the girls want. That's a slight step up.

When did I become such a sad person?