Drama Llama

It's funny how the titles of most of my posts are basically the oddest things ever. Usually it's because I have something rather urgent to say and can't think of a title strong enough to express it or don't want to waste time doing so, so I just go with whatever is on my mind or quote the song I'm singing, and make it rhyme/ sound slightly witty. I have got distracted again, so let me go back to what I planned to talk about.

So, I'm not sure where to start. I've been in a pretty blah mood the last few days, partly exacerbated by the fact that I want S to notice and be concerned about me. Please feel free to comment (non-existent readers) about my twisted motives and unstable mental health. It's been brought on by a lot of things though - guy issues (more on that later), not getting the internship I wanted over the summer, wanting to stay in college over the summer but not being able to, growing apart from a friend back home who is making no effort to keep in touch, feeling like I haven't done the best work I could be doing in class etc. Even not being able to move past this bad mood is bumming me out as I've always prided myself on being a positive person but every time I try to move past it I want S to notice and discuss it with me so I'm kind of stagnant. Nevertheless, I've given myself two more days when I can be sad, and then I stop being sad and start being awesome instead.

But of course with me it's mostly the guy issues that get to me because I have no sense of appropriate priorities. Remember my 'friend' S? And how I said that the fact that the girl he was not too seriously interested in made it easy for me to kind of hope? Well, we bonded a good amount in the last few months and he ended up somewhat accidentally revealing to me that he was having moderately serious feelings for one of our mutual friends who is one of my closest friends. I of course made sure to be neutral about my feelings, and gave him good advice, and continued to encourage him to talk about and deal with his feelings. I probably reacted perfectly, albeit a little less enthusiastically about them possibly getting together than I would have been if it hadn't been for my feelings. I did a good job, but it's getting to me a little more now than it did at first, and my bad mood is partially influenced by that and the fact that I feel like he comes to me with his problems but doesn't ask so much about mine. Which might be why I feel the need to be moody and get him to notice.

And I actually have another guy in my life who I think I might also kind of like. I don't know whether I'm mixing up my feelings for S with him because they resemble each other in terms of personality, but I think I at least like him a little just for himself. That makes me overanalyze the situation and become more awkward with him than I should be. He is also in the same year of uni as I am, and I met him at a conference. He goes to my school and I had mutual friends with him, and we bonded during the conference. Facebook chatting afterward (mostly initiated by me) helped us know each other a little better. Then in a fit of angst like those I sometimes have, I told him casually that I didn't want to feel like I was disturbing his work and that he should tell me next time he was free so that we could talk. I'm actually pretty proud of that move, I put the ball in his court. What happened after that, you shall read about in my next post.

A positive point is that I'm definitely over X. I know this might cause a sense of deja vu, because I've definitely said this before. But this time is different, because I've actually talked and interacted with him after thinking I was over him, and haven't felt the same frantic over analyzing that I have before. It might be because the thing with S (and maybe G) is more serious than the mild flirtations I had in the four years of X, but I'm just happy I'm able to move on to more things that make me neurotic. :\

A lot of this is me just getting my teenage angst out of the way before I get out of my teens. Or maybe it's just hormones. Either way, I think I'll be over it soon.