Another interlude

Our conversations after I left were still fun and more affectionate. Once in a while he would say things about how he missed me and was "wishing [I was] there so much" and how I was "like #1 on [his] list of people to see", which I always loved. I let him know that I thought he should stay for the year for study abroad, though he had the option to come back after 3 months, because I knew that was what he wanted.

I decided to continue my new policy of embarrassing honesty whenever I was worried about something (aka wanted to clarify this feelings for me etc.) and did so to surprisingly successful results. We established that he had guessed that I liked him before the summer even started, and that he knew he liked my company and could like me if he let himself, but he was trying to be cautious since he didn't think he could "make something of it" and didn't want to hurt me.

We both established that we had no regrets about the situation, and he confirmed that he knew I liked him once I held his hand but just "wanted to enjoy it for a while" before he asked questions.

I would go through slightly stressed moments and there was an incident where he said I was asking too many questions (because he was trying to do too many things at once, he immediately apologized and felt terrible). He also compared me to the dog from Up when I said "FRIES" about some food, and we stayed up some nights while texting. He helped me pick thank you cards for coworkers and we encouraged each other about our endeavours and shared random facts about our lives - similar to our usual conversations but definitely a little closer.

He once said something about how much he would miss me and how much fun it was when I visited (even though he thought it wasn't fair that it was just one weekend). I sent him a goodbye text about how much I had enjoyed talking to him and getting to know him and spending time with him and having him "assuage my overthinking" and how I knew he would have so much fun abroad.

Once I left, we didn't talk very much for a little bit as he packed up and transitioned into moving. He was in the same time zone again, and we exchanged a couple of emails and he flippantly said something about how I should just visit (in response to me encouraging him to) and I suddenly realized this was possible.

After establishing clearly that he was serious and it wouldn't be an inconvenience, I checked with my mother (who knew most of the story). She was nothing but encouraging about me actually going for something that wasn't the most sensible. I did reassure her that we weren't going to be having sex (I thought it would be too much commitment) but she was more concerned about me making decisions I was comfortable with. My father, too, didn't have many objections beyond safety.

So I looked into things and it was possible. We continued to exchange emails leading up to my visit, and he made very clear that he was looking forward to it and we joked about drinking wine and sleeping most of the time. His host family invited me to stay, but I had already booked my hotel and decided this would just be easier.