College Girl

I know, I know, if you've been reading the blog consistently (that makes one of you), you'll know that I don't seem like the most mature person. I've never outright admitted this to anyone, but I'm guessing my friends know the truth - the close ones anyway.

I've:
- Never been kissed (and I'm a mostly normal, not hideously unattractive teenage girl)
- Never been on a date
- Never had a boyfriend (kind of follows, doesn't it)
- Never had a really close guy friend (possibly why all of the above, I don't count X as one)
- Never had anyone of the opposite gender tell me they think I'm cute/ pretty/ hot
- Never been hit on (by cute, non-stoned guys)

I lead a nun's life, honestly. You can see why one might wonder what's so hideously wrong with me. Why there can't be one guy who finds me even somewhat attractive? I wouldn't blame you readers for thinking that I'm some kind of grotesque monster, or have a massive personality disorder. And I'm not going to try and convince you I don't (honestly, if you've read this blog, you might already think I have some issues).

But I think the real problem is that I haven't had much contact with guys. All groups of friends I've had have been all-girls. Even if the girls had boyfriends or good male friends, they didn't really come sit with us at lunch/ talk to all of us. I was never close to their friends. And now I think I'm just a little awkward and uncomfortable around guys. It's not obvious, I don't flee in terror when I see one. It's more like I don't make the extra effort to be friends. So although now I wave and smile at a lot of guys in my dorm, I haven't a good friend yet.

The one guy who hangs out with our group (can I call it our group? more later) is annoying. Well, I find him to be so. Beggars can be choosers (assuming he's even interested) and he is a try-hard who didn't party much in high school and is clearly desperate to make over his reputation here. Plus, he's chubby and has curly hair. But I don't even find him cuddly (as I might, as a friend, if he had a nice personality). He's just a douche. You can think whatever you want - aka I'm being picky, or that I'm just a bee-yotch - but I reserve the right to my opinion. Besides, you don't even know him (unless you're Future Me, hi there!).

In terms of friends, and the otherwise college experience, it's been okay. I'm not the youngest here (although I'm one of the younger ones) so it's not like I'm less mature than anyone or I majorly don't fit in. I've had some genuinely nice experiences - playing Rock Band in the lounge, sitting and studying together in my room, a sweetheart of a roommate, a football game etc. - yet it doesn't all add up to the BEST TIME EVER, like people seem to make it out to be.

I'm sure it'll get better, I haven't had a terrible time making friends, and all the people are nice. It's transferring acquaintances to close friends that takes time. And it seems like the party kids are able to do it easily - but I'm not one of them, and I'm not going to try too hard to be one. I don't mind going to a party, but getting wasted and hooking up is not my idea of a good time. I can't wait for when I make close close friends. I've made friends, but not really close ones. That'll come though, and I'm looking forward to when it does!

Keeping in touch with those back home/ also in college hasn't been too hard. I manage to be on Skype at the right times, and call/text enough. While it hasn't been the easiest thing ever, it's not like we're drifting apart completely. Family has also been nice. I actually enjoy having a little space, and while I miss all the cuddling and good times, I haven't been crying into my pillow.

It might seem odd that after all this, I haven't really talked about the work aspect of college. I mean, I met this guy (ACQUAINTANCE, people) who told me "I'm not too worried about settling in, that's not what I'm here for." I think he underestimates what being friendless in college will be like. Anyway, apart from Math - which is a little different and is going to need some extra effort - it hasn't been too bad. Work has been manageable. It's easy to get stressed (even without any logical reason), but I'm not panicking too much. I guess it's okay?

If anyone reads this blog and really wants to know what college/ university I go to, feel free to ask. Depending upon your depth of knowledge about the blog (also, the complete lack of likelihood that anyone will ever ask), I might actually tell you. Of course, you still won't know my name or any other part of my identity, but it's better than nothing....