Failure and Success

So things have gotten better and worse, but mostly better!

I literally failed my Math midterm, which was a shock. I've never failed anything before, ever! So I wandered around in a blue funk for a few days (augmented by the fact that a friend promised to meet me for lunch and went without telling me). It's not like me to be sad, but even though I tried I couldn't really shake off the bad mood.

Nevertheless, it's not difficult to drop down a level in Math (which is what I will be doing) and I've had a very nice time with my friends today, so my mood is uphill again. Besides, although yesterday was a bad day it was still interspersed with moments of happiness, such as my extreme excitement when discussing 'Twelfth Night' in class.

I do have another midterm tomorrow, but it's not something to majorly worry about as I had a 90 minute review session with my friend, so I feel much more prepared.

I've discovered "cute" is a word often used to describe me. I'm not saying this to show off, just to try and analyze what exactly that signifies. I always feel awkward when I'm called cute, mostly because to be embarrassed about it would be to seem as though I'm acting "cute" but I'm honestly not trying to be that way. There was a phase, when I was like 13 when I would try to be called that, but now I'd prefer to be called hot or pretty or even nice. Cute's not an insult, it's just an awkward thing.

I'd say the two words I use most often in my blog are I (the most common by far) and awkward. Both are effective ways of describing me.

Another revelation of sorts that I had the other day: it's going to take some kind of miracle for me to be good friends with a guy that I'm interested in. Even though I want friendship to be the basis of attraction, I freeze up around most guys that I find even moderately attractive (in a non-platonic way) and am unable to be myself. Myself is not a bad way to be, but I find it difficult to be sometimes. Which might mean that it'd be extremely unlikely that a guy who wants more than casual, repetitive, somewhat rude conversation (what I tend to provide when nervous) to be attracted to me.

On a more pleasant note, Friends = BEST. SHOW. EVER.