I have no game

So, on to what I hinted at in the last post. There is indeed a new boy that I'm interested in, and I'm going to call him F, and you fictional readers are probably going 'Hallelujah!' Maybe I'll finally find new hope and fall for a guy where the relationship is clearly not doomed from the start.

Nope. He's a year below me in uni (though he's actually older than me in real life) and ever since I've known him, I've known that he is studying abroad all of my last year. And not somewhere near me. Who knows where I will be after. We've been in the same club at school for years now and I suppose I saw him around and thought he was attractive, but I never really noticed him or talked to him. We went on a trip to glorious Europe as part of this club (with a few other people), which was when I really first met him. I didn't get to spend that many days with him since I popped home on the way there to surprise my mother for Mother's Day, but it was still at least four days. I remember thinking he was cute, and he seemed nice and more talkative than I thought (he seems quiet on observation), and I got to know him better.

By the end of the trip, I had developed a slight embarrassing crush. Nothing more serious than the usual I routinely develop on attractive boys that I slightly/ moderately interact with. On the 9-hour flight home, I pretended that I had a neck ache since the seat next to me was empty. At first I thought the seat next to him was empty and strategized how to go up and sit next to him while having it be casual, and then halfway approached and realized that it wasn't. Hopefully no one else in the group observed this hasty retreat (we were all seated separately). Later I saw him in the aisle and just asked him to sit next to me. So he did. Then I slept on his shoulder for many hours.

At first I couldn't quite fall asleep but I managed to, and then slept quite soundly. His head sometimes smacked mine as it lolled and he didn't notice (but I've learned he's a deep sleeper). I'd sometimes wake up and wonder what other people thought or if any of our group saw us - turned out one of them did and took a photo but I can't say I'm not glad he did. Mostly I just thought about how comfy yet firm his shoulder was.

When we got back to campus, we remained friends, for that is what we had become. I made the effort to talk to him and text him and GChat him (but while remaining hyper-aware that I didn't want to seem clingy or interested). I even made bold moves (for me) like inviting him to meet me in our student centre as I had dinner. I knew I enjoyed talking to him, and I was steadily starting to actually like him more and more.

Signs seemed somewhat promising, even though I tried to not get my hopes up and convinced myself otherwise. We went to dinner twice, and he paid both times (since he owed me money from the trip). I still don't believe those were dates, but my friends tried my best to convince me otherwise. However, two friends can just go out for dinner. We went once to a nicer than usual Chinese restaurant and once to a Mongolian make-your-own-stir-fry place popular around uni.

I really enjoying getting to know him better, particularly as these dinners were against the background of us continually texting/ chatting. At this point, he was one of my good friends, and I knew I was certainly developing stronger feelings for him. I was learning more about him - he liked to read (particularly classics), he had a genuinely funny sense of humour, he was a great listener, we had gif-wars, he stayed up late at night and didn't get much sleep, he learned two languages 'just for fun', he was very thoughtful, he was kind in little ways (brought me a jacket when I was cold/ gave me his), he was attractive and didn't even know it ('hold on to that unicorn by the horn, girl!' is what I've heard about boys like that), and many other things.

On his last night in town (also the same night we had the second dinner), he was locked out of his room by his roommate and (roommate's) girlfriend. I have since contemplated the thought that he might have been stretching the truth but I don't think he's the type to make a move like that. After going to a party and walking a drunk friend home, he came over to my residence hall, where my friends and I were trying to finish the alcohol left over at the end of the year.

We all proceeded to get thoroughly drunk, and my friends gave us time alone together (though we were still in the living room of my other friend's suite), and...nothing happened. I'm not sure why, but the thought of making a move/ inviting him to my room/ not inviting my friend to keep coming to hang out with us/ not sabotaging my romantic chances didn't even occur to me. It wasn't like I rejected it for being a bad idea, the thought didn't even occur.

Apparently I have no game. Anyway, the next day I really regretted not having made any sort of half-move/ giving him the opportunity to make one, and I thought I would never see him again. He did actually end up staying over at my place, and I fell asleep next to him as he was sleeping on the couch (I was uncomfortably sitting on the floor and leaning on the couch but we were both intoxicated enough that we mostly just passed out).

My (male, gay) roommate walked by as we were lying half-cuddling in this manner, and I later received a text "__My name__, I found you in the arms of a man this morning!?!?", which was hilarious. As I tried to wake him up (he had a training for his summer job to go to), he kept getting a hold of the hand I was trying to poke him awake with and cuddling it and going back to sleep, which about melted me. Still, he left without anything happening and I thought I'd never see him again. Or at least not for a year.